Politically Incorrect

I was all set to vote for Mar Roxas until I turned on the radio this morning and heard

“Mar Roxas Mar Roxas”
“Mar Roxas Mar Roxas”

…to the tune of the very classy, utterly captivating tune “Mr. Suave” by Vhong Nhavarro (sorry – I may have put too many letter “H”s in there…I’m never quite sure where those go).

Miscen : I’m appalled that Mar Roxas allowed his campaign people
to use that ad.


Ron : What do you mean? I think it’s very catchy.


Miscen : But it’s soooo baduy.
(Shudders, in her best Kris Aquino-slash-Jamie
Panlilio-assumpsionista-impression)


Ron : Are you kidding me? Obviously, you’re not the target market for
that particular jingle.
(Looks at wife disgustedly, like she’s from an alien planet)


Miscen : Helloooo. I’m kidding (in normal voice).  
I was being facetious of course.

Ron : Exactly, I don’t think they intend to win votes from people that use
the word “facetious” in ordinary conversation with that jingle.

Miscen : Whatever. You just don't know what "facetious" means.
(Turns away to look out window in a piqued manner, a.k.a. ” pikon”)


So great. I’m definitely not voting for Mar Roxas now because:

1. He was cause of marital discord at 7:10 AM on what had theretofore been looking like it was going to be a nice day, and  
2. I have last song syndrome because of his jingle and have been hearing “Mar Roxas, Mar Roxas” to the aforementioned tune, in my head all day, causing me to make at least three (that I’ve noticed so far) grammatical errors in my pleading.

At least Jejomar Binay had the common sense not to even HAVE a jingle. (Although granted, it’s hard to rhyme “Binay” or worse, “Jejomar” with anything.) BF doesn’t have one either…and is Edu Manzano even REALLY running for Vice President?

Besides, any attempt to produce a memorable political jingle would just be blown out of the water by Manny Villar’s campaign ad. It is just so fabulous. Catchy. Lyrical….

Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura?

Nag-Pasko ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada?

Yan ang tanong namin, tunay ka bang isa sa amin?

Nalaman mo na bang mapapag-aral ka nya?

Tutulungan tayo para magka-trabaho?

At kanyang plano’y magka-bahay tayo?

Si Villar ang tunay na mahirap.

si Villar ang tunay na may malasakit.

Si Villar ang may kakayahan

At gumawa ng sariling pangalan.

Si Manny Villar ang magtatapos ng ating kahirapan.

…and I’m just truly, truly bowled over and amazed how they got all those kids to lie so convincingly.


Let’s face it. Does anyone here actually believe that Villar ever spent Christmas on the street, or (shudder, shudder) swam in a sea of trash? Really.


And to answer all the other rhetorical questions in that song:


1. No I don’t know na “mapapa-aral” nya ako. I doubt if he’s actually ever sent anyone to school (besides his own kids). Has anyone heard of a Villar educational fund anywhere? If so, how do I get a grant?


2. No I don’t see him helping any of us get a job. I’ve actually applied to Vista Land and let me tell you…they’re not very generous. Plus, he hasn’t exactly explained how he intends to do this – unless he intends to employ everyone himself? So that being said, I fail to see how he’ll end my “kahirapan”.


3. Yes. I am soooo SURE he intends for all of us to own a house. Preferably purchased from Camella Homes at ahem…a nice little profit for him.

Ok fine. I’m being facetious again. But really, it’s kind of insulting how much C R __ P these candidates think we’re all willing to swallow.

Look at my old classmate Mikey Arroyo for example, and his party list nomination to represent security guards, of all people. Someone really needs to tell him that walking around with a bunch of personal bodyguards does NOT qualify one to represent them in congress.

This whole party list system thing is just getting out of hand. The ones for the farmers, the women, the gay people, the handicapped…those I get. But take a look at this!! (Note: These are actual accredited party lists):

Alyansa ng Mamamayang Naghihirap (ALMANA) – Doesn’t that like, include everyone living in the Philippines ? (With the exception of all politicians and their families of course.) So who are they representing exactly?

Alyansa ng Media at Showbiz (AMS) – Great. More artistas in government. Just what we need. Yes. They are sooooo marginalized. They must have it soooo hard. Seven Figure salaries, beautiful clothes, fancy cars….especially poor Willie Revillame and his gazillions of pesos and Richard Gutierrez with his gajillion peso customized Porsche Panamera. (Ok, ok, I’m just envious of the Porsche).

The True Marcos Loyalist (For God, Country and People) Association of the Phils (BANTAY) – Fabulous. All seven of them (i.e. Imelda, Bongbong, Imee, Irene and their spouses) need their own party list. Ibalik ang Bagong Lipunan. Besides, what does this even mean? “True” Marcos Loyalist? What’s that? As opposed to a “fake” Marcos Loyalist?

Ako Babaing Astig Aasenso (1-ABAA) – and what, if I’m not an “astig” na babae, I don’t deserve to asenso?! What the heck? And how do I got about proving I’m “astig”…beat up a few politicians? Are they going to organize one for “wimpy” as opposed to “Astig” women as well?

Ang Mata’y Alagaan (AMA) – is this for oppressed ophthalmologists? Are there in fact, oppressed ophthalmologists? And are they sufficiently numerous as to require representation in congress?

and then there’s my personal favorite…

Abono – what is this one supposed to be? Marginalized employees who don’t get reimbursed for advances? (hmmmm…maybe I should sign up for this one.)


Lastly, which genius came up with the acronym-slash-mnemonic device “SALAMAT LORRD” ? Do they really think I will be convinced to vote for a bunch of people whose campaign device sounds like a sub-title massacre movie?!!! (i.e. “2010 Elections, The Movie – Salamat Lorrd” ; “The Philippine Democracy Massacre – Salamat Lorrd” )

At the end of the day…I guess we all deserve the government we have. I myself have personally neglected to vote in the last two elections ( Hello...I’m a lawyer…I do election stuff at or about that time…) so it’s not my place to complain about the people in power.

In conclusion. - fine, I’m voting for Noy Noy and Mar Roxas (notwithstanding his abysmal taste in campaign jingles). 

(But if Kris Aquino ends up as a Cabinet Official, I’m moving to Kenya.)

See http://www.scribd.com/doc/26721862/Party-List-for-May-2010-Elections for details.